What animal could you beat in a fight while unarmed?

[SmithSwede]

A highly entertaining poll.   Thoughts?  What animals have you personally battled unarmed, and what was the outcome?

I personally think zero humans could win a fight against an adult male chimpanzee.   I was once grabbed by a teenaged chimp and learned they are freakishly strong. 

What is wrong with the 7% of men who think they could win an unarmed battle with a grizzly bear?    ???

https://today.yougov.com/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2021/05/13/lions-and-tigers-and-bears-what-animal-would-win-f

[Moto Vita]

 Because we are humans we can arm ourselves as necessary, for now.

[SmithSwede]

Sure.  But assume you are completely unarmed. 

Could you take a honey badger?

[Guzzistajohn]

My hamster turned on me when I was 9 or 10. It was quite a scrap.

[ozarquebus]

 Me, a honey badger? no way unless I don't get fed on time.

I am sure I could at least fight a chimp to a draw, if it was a battle of wits.

My uncle Jake in Anchorage defeated a black bear in his living room with an O-Cedar broom, but I guess that was not actually unarmed. It wasn't a question who was most sober, it was who was angrier. The trusty .30-06 was at hand, but it would have made a big mess and would not have been very sporting for the bear.

Me, I once defeated a very pesky giant hornet bare handed. It was so close I could see a hundred reflections of myself in its eyes.


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[oldbike54]

 A Banty Hen sitting eggs once kicked my ass , so something less ferocious than a 2 lb Banty Hen .

 Dusty

[Tkelly]

On one of those animal attackshows a young guy described fighting off a pack of coyotes in the dark in Colorado as he walked to work.He would body slam them as they went for his throat .Whenthey couldn’t get him down they quit.No video but he had the wounds to show for it.If you allow spears the Eskimos and northern natives killed polar and grizzly bears up until modern times.

[John A]

A mountain lion walked in front of me about a hundred yards from my house when I lived on the Mt Baker hiway one morning. He looked me over like he was sizing up a snack, I was happy I was in a car. He was over the height of the hood on a ‘64 chev.  Here in WI I shot a very large raccoon in the backyard because he wouldn’t go away and showed no fear . I was worried about it hurting my dog so I emptied a pistol on him, eight shots .22 long rifle all head shots. I hated to destroy him but he might have been sick so I washed the entire area so in case he had rabies the dog, a 12 pounder, wouldn’t get sick. I wouldn’t want to tangle with that big sucker

[fubar guzzi]

          I tangled with a ground hog one time,I killed him-----only cause I could      now I don't kill ANYTHING,I figure we all have a wright to life on this planet----aaaaaaaaaaall lives matter    jus sayin  (most anyway)   

[Guzzistajohn]

When I was in homecare one of my patients, Marge Lambert started looking me up and down from her home hospital bed like a wild animal that just set eyes on a platter of porkchops. I ran like hell.

[SmithSwede]

.If you allow spears the Eskimos and northern natives killed polar and grizzly bears up until modern times.

Yes, the “unarmed” part is crucial to the exercise.  I suspect that ancient humans, hunting in packs, with nothing but pointy spears and knives, probably killed mammoths and other mega-fauna on a regular basis.  Probably drove many extinct. 

Think the Plains Indians and the buffalo.    It’s no big deal to shoot one from 200 yards in a railroad car with a .45-70.  But can you imagine grappling with one using rocks and pointy sticks?

Back to the question.  I think if you go by weight, nothing beats wasps, hornets, bees or the like.   Few want to tangle with them, even if the entire swarm weights less than 10 ounces.

[LowRyter]

I could turn off the aquarium air pump. 

Then I'd have to clean real freakin' mess.   

[Gliderjohn]

Well is this considered unarmed? I took on a blacksnake that was trying to raid a bluebird nest with a running garden hose. It was quite a fight with me having to get within about two feet of it directly spraying it's head before it finally gave up and left the tree.
GliderJohn

[LowRyter]

John, sounds like deja vu. 

All over again. 

[Turin]

I'd be willing to square off with a Duck Billed Platypus.

[ozarquebus]

 Pretty amazing waht a difference a pointy stick improves over unarmed.

ie: Packs of early hominids defeating 2000 pound bears & giant Wooley Mammoths with a bunch of sharp sticks?

"You go first, Gork!" (the bravest did not reproduce)

Yes, I have often wondered about early mans' & womans' impact on the extinction of the mega fauna...or was it that Younger Dryas event?

[Shorty]

All good cat stories begin with a pair of welding gloves.   

[wymple]

I'd be willing to square off with a Duck Billed Platypus.

They have poisonous venom barbs. Very painful.

[SIR REAL ED]

Pretty amazing waht a difference a pointy stick improves over unarmed.

ie: Packs of early hominids defeating 2000 pound bears & giant Wooley Mammoths with a bunch of sharp sticks?

"You go first, Gork!" (the bravest did not reproduce)

Yes, I have often wondered about early mans' & womans' impact on the extinction of the mega fauna...or was it that Younger Dryas event?

After listening to a couple of podcasts of Joe Rogan interviewing Randall Carson, I would vote on the Younger Dryas event as the cause of extinction.

[Murray]

They have poisonous venom barbs. Very painful.

Which modern pain killers don't work on, although it's only the males.

One of the hairless apes evolutionary traits is it ability to sweat and its endurance to either hunt or bravely run away. Although fight? put them off till they decide you are not worth it, bravely running away might be all that it takes.

[cliffrod]

Ask a bunch of ATGATT advocates how much pain, blood and mutilation they're willing to voluntarily endure... 

To be fair, the query says what animal- not animals...  Fighting a single animal is a completely different situation than fighting many animals at the same time.   Without claws, fangs & shearing teeth, horns or venom with the specific anatomical structures & musculature to efficiently employ them, humans are often at a significant disadvantage if they do not use their advanced intelligence and opposable thumbs to employ tools to compensate.   

Regardless of these details, many fights are won in spite of how much it hurts or costs.  That's how animals fight because that's how they survive.  Blind rage to instill the fear of death into the opponent.  The only thing they're trying to prove is who is in charge and who is not.  If you are not instantly willing to go 100% to the mat like an animal and fight without reserve like your life depends upon it,  fighting is probably not be your best choice

[wavedog]

I could not best any animal in a fight at my age. A little over a year ago I was attacked by a very large Rottweiler. There is a nice 4” scar on my leg now. I did get in a couple good kicks to its head and it backed off enough for its owners to gain control. The artery in my leg was nicked and the amount of blood pumped out was impressive.

So, the human brain is our most important asset for survival. Make tools and weapons and keep those wild animals at a distance. Situational awareness.

[larrys]

Chimpanzees are way stronger than humans. A number of years ago a woman in CT was almost killed by one. It bit off her hands and face, and blinded her. She was one of the first recipients in the US for a full face transplant. My cat Boris would kick my ass.
Larry

[Mayor_of_BBQ]

I think these people are seriously underestimating the size, speed, and agility of a king cobra and certainly of a chimp. A chimp could pound you bloody in the blink of an eye! Anyone who said Grizzly or polar bear is deluded as well. A grizzly would tear you to ribbons and a polar bear would stand on your head and eat your backstrap out while you are still kicking.

I could whoop a solo wolf no problem tho! 

[RHAT]

I have never been so quickly and so thoroughly whipped as the day I bent down to pick up a tiny little kitten.  I might as well stuck my hand in the blender.

[oldbike54]

I have never been so quickly and so thoroughly whipped as the day I bent down to pick up a tiny little kitten.  I might as well stuck my hand in the blender.

 Oh man yes , and kittens are sneaky .

 Dusty

[JC85]

A friend recently shared this is a group chat. Apparently, a fair number of males know absolutely nothing about chimp physiology. Otherwise, they wouldn't be nearly so confident.

[tazio]

I kicked some big gorilla in the nuts one time.
He went down like a sack of taters. 

[Alfetta]

i would not recommend trying to best a tape worm

[Stormtruck2]

Any animal unless it is a female.  Never won a fight with a female anything.