The Great Poonfloss Shortage Of 2020

[Guzzi Gal]

Got my panic room finished

 
After over two weeks looking for TP, our family of five was down to three rolls and we'd had a serious conversation with the kids about being frugal with the stuff.  A few days later, my Hubs comes home with a Costco pack and a Sam's Club pack. 

Our kids think he walks on water now! 

[Muzz]

"Poonfloss & Bum Fodder" - two funny words I never heard before!...

You are not alone.

[handyandy]

You kids don't remember the Monkey wards catalog in the outhouse. Only the gentry could afford real tp.

[Testarossa]

Saving coffee filters to use as face masks.

[JJ]

You kids don't remember the Monkey wards catalog in the outhouse. Only the gentry could afford real tp.

I also heard, out in the rural parts of the country, they also had stacks of used "Corn Cobs" in the ol' outhouse!! 

[Huzo]

Update and friendly tip... Coffee filters do work well in a pinch, after a pinch.

So that’s what Austin Powers meant when he said...
“This coffee tastes like shit...” !

[Huzo]

 
Our kids think he walks on water now! 

If it’d gone on much longer GG, it might not have been water...!
Glad you’re back BTW..

[Tom]

Might have to go to the ocean and float logs.

[Muzz]

Saving coffee filters to use as face masks.

Ok. Check my reasoning here Seth.  We have coffee filter, face mask, poonfloss as suggested uses.

1st use coffee filter.  No question, or is there?

2nd use   ?

3rd use   ?

Which order are you having 2 and 3 in, assuming #1 is in it's preferred order?

[Guzzistajohn]

I used to pull those hockey tickets off the roll like I was on Wheel of Fortune, now I'm like a safe cracker 

[Antietam Classic Cycle]

https://marker.medium.com/what-everyones-getting-wrong-about-the-toilet-paper-shortage-c812e1358fe0

[Kiwi_Roy]

When you consider that in many parts of the world they don't use toilet paper.

[MMRanch]

Same story ! *2

  JNMathews

For whatever it's worth, I installed inexpensive bidets on our toilets a few years ago.  They cost round $50 each, and just fit under the toilet seat, though you need taller bumpers to support the seat due to the extra height of having the bidet installed.  The water source is the same line that feeds the toilet tank.

I did this mainly to reduce the amount solids in the septic system, but soon found our consumption of toilet paper went down by 2/3rds.  The savings in toilet paper have more than paid for the bidets.   

[Lannis]

When you consider that in many parts of the world they don't use toilet paper.

Well, true, but in many parts of the world (sometimes the same ones), they eat bat soup, fermented almost-hatched unfertilized chicken eggs, 60% of the population takes a dump on the open ground, and they have regular machete fights between neighboring towns.

If I'm not going to emulate any of those customs, I doubt if I'll be looking to them for their leadership in the area of personal hygiene .... !

Lannis

[garbln]

It only goes to show there are more a$$ holes in the world than I thought.  Or the same amount but bigger ones than I thought.

[Turin]

Well, true, but in many parts of the world (sometimes the same ones), they eat bat soup, fermented almost-hatched unfertilized chicken eggs, 60% of the population takes a dump on the open ground, and they have regular machete fights between neighboring towns.

If I'm not going to emulate any of those customs, I doubt if I'll be looking to them for their leadership in the area of personal hygiene .... !

Lannis

You can't call it bat soup. It's "Chicken of The Cave"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0MAj3qUAfU

[slowmover]

Sorry it’s so long : TOILET PAPER

1. The first recorded use of toilet paper was in 6th Century China.

2. By the 14th Century, the Chinese government was mass-producing it.

3.. Packaged toilet paper wasn't sold in the United States until 1857.

4. Joseph Gayety, the man who introduced packaged TP to the U.S. had his name printed on every sheet.

5. Global toilet paper demand uses nearly 30,000 trees every day.

6. That's 10 million trees a year.

7. It wasn't until 1935 that a manufacturer was able to promise Splinter-Free Toilet Paper.

8. Seven percent of Americans admit to stealing rolls of toilet paper in hotels.

9. Americans use an average of 8.6 sheets of toilet paper per trip to the bathroom.

10. The average roll has 333 sheets.

11. Historically, what you use to wipe depended on your income level.

12. In the middle ages they used something called a gompf stick which was just an actual stick used to scrape.

13. Wealthy Romans used wool soaked in rose water and French royalty used lace.

14. Other things that were used before toilet paper include: Hay, corn cobs, sticks, stones, sand, moss, hemp, wool, husks, fruit peels,
ferns, sponges, seashells, knotted ropes, and broken pottery (ouch!).

15. 70-75% of the world still doesn't use toilet paper because it is too expensive or there is not sufficient plumbing.

16. In many Western European countries, bidets are seen as more effective and preferable to toilet paper.

17. Coloured toilet paper was popular in the U.S. until the 1940s.

18. The reason toilet paper disintegrates so quickly when wet is that the fibers used to make it are very short.

19. On the International Space Station, they still use regular toilet paper but it has to be sealed in special containers and Compressed.

20. During Desert Storm, the U.S. Army used toilet paper to camouflage their tanks.

21. In 1973 Johnny Carson caused a toilet paper shortage. He said as a joke that there was a shortage, which there wasn't, until everyone believed him and ran out to buy up the supply. It took three weeks for some stores to get more stock.

22. There is a contest sponsored by Charmin to design and make wedding dresses out of toilet paper. The winner gets $2,000.

23.. There was a toilet paper museum in Wisconsin, The Madison Museum of Bathroom Tissue, but it closed in 2000.

24. The museum once had over 3,000 rolls of TP from places all over the world, including The Guggenheim, Ellis Island, and Graceland.

25. There is still a virtual toilet paper museum called Nobody's Perfect.

26. In 1996, President Clinton passed a Toilet Paper Tax of 6 cents per roll, which is still in effect today. Obama tried to triple that but the House wouldn't pass it.

27. The Pentagon uses, on average, 666 rolls of toilet paper per day.

28. The most expensive toilet paper in the world is from Portuguese brand Renova.

29. Renova is three-ply, perfumed, costs $3 per roll and comes in several colors including black, red, blue and green.

30. The CEO of Renova came up with the idea for black toilet paper while he was at a Cirque du Soleil show.

31. Beyonce uses only red Renova toilet paper.

32. Kris Jenner uses only the black Renova toilet paper.

33.  If you hang your toilet paper so you can pull it from the top, you're considered more intelligent than someone who pulls it from the bottom. (Wonder how this was determined?)

34. Koji Suzuki, a Japanese horror novelist best known for writing The Ring, had an entire novel printed on a single roll of toilet paper.

35. The novel takes place in a public bathroom and the entire story runs approximately three feet long.

36. When asked what necessity they would bring to a desert island, 49% of people said toilet paper before food

37. Queen Elizabeth II wipes her royal bottom with silk handkerchiefs. Wonder if the royal chambermaid gets to wash those?

38.  Muslims wipe their bums with their bare hand--- always the left hand . They eat with their right hand. If you are caught shop lifting, your right hand is  cut off forcing you to eat with your poopy left hand.

This history was sent to you using my right hand

 


 

[Huzo]

Sorry it’s so long : TOILET PAPER
34. Koji Suzuki, a Japanese horror novelist best known for writing The Ring, had an entire novel printed on a single roll of toilet paper.

After naming your novel “The Ring”..
It seems only proper to print it on bum fodder.
There used to be a commercial on Aussie TV for a particular brand. The slogan was,”Soft, strong and very very long..”
If I was a TP manufacturer I’d produce it in brown, then as you were “finishing up”, you’d not know when you had completed the required amount of scrubbing in the downstairs department and thus feel constrained to keep peeling off more of the stuff...$$$$$$ 

[Lannis]

Sorry it’s so long : TOILET PAPER

33.  If you hang your toilet paper so you can pull it from the top, you're considered more intelligent than someone who pulls it from the bottom. (Wonder how this was determined?)


This history was sent to you using my right hand

All good fun!

To answer the question above ("wonder how this was determined?") I have a sneaking suspicion that it came from the same place that all (or almost all) of the rest of the "history" was determined -

... someone pulled it out of their arse.

Lannis

[oldbike54]

 <sigh> This thread has veered off whatever course it was intended to take . 

 Dusty

[Lannis]

How the heck can a thread entitled

"The Great Poonfloss Shortage of 2020"

disappoint anyone in the "direction" it was "intended" to take?

Can it even HAVE a direction?   And who "intended" for it to go there?   And what could ANYONE expect?

It's like "The Bennie Hill show got off track somehow" or "I was disappointed in George Carlin's denouement in this routine last night" ....

Lannis

[oldbike54]

How the heck can a thread entitled

"The Great Poonfloss Shortage of 2020"

disappoint anyone in the "direction" it was "intended" to take?

Can it even HAVE a direction?   And who "intended" for it to go there?   And what could ANYONE expect?

It's like "The Bennie Hill show got off track somehow" or "I was disappointed in George Carlin's denouement in this routine last night" ....

Lannis

 Lannis , bubba , just don't , OK ?

 Dusty

[Lannis]

Lannis , bubba , just don't , OK ?

 Dusty

Well, OK, but when the sad but inevitable day comes when the thread

"RIP Dolly Parton - Thanks for the Music"

comes up, we'll be here for you.

Lannis

[oldbike54]

Well, OK, but when the sad but inevitable day comes when the thread

"RIP Dolly Parton - Thanks for the Music"

comes up, we'll be here for you.

Lannis

 Who is "we" ?

 Dusty

[Lannis]

Who is "we" ?

 Dusty

Good one! 

I'll get me coat.

Lannis

[jcctx]

This thread STINKS!!!!

[Kev m]

So, I think I'm staying in the rules here and I have to ask a question.

I didn't originally read this thread because I wasn't particularly confused by the original shortage (at least no more so than a passing curiosity in the middle of bigger things). But reading this thread because it popped up again has made me wonder something.

Did a bunch of you guys not experience a ton of OTHER shortages in the last month?

We returned from Ireland a week early on 3/16 and went straight to the grocery store because we'd purposely run the house low on both fresh and even dried goods before we left anticipating a long stay abroad.

I'd heard of the shortages from relatives but wasn't quite ready for the extremes of what I found that day and the two weeks afterwards when I allowed myself to go out one time each week to resupply the family with groceries.

Our store shelves were bare in half the isles - including:

* Almost no fresh meats
* Very little in the deli
* Sporadic fresh veg and fruit outages
* Almost no cereal
* Almost no frozen vegetables (except a final few bags of lima beans and one of okra)
* No eggs.
* Very little bread
* Limited dairy selections
* Limited pasta selections
* Limited rice selections
* Very little broth
* Limited canned fish or meats
* No paper towels, TP, ony a few packages of naptkins.

Cookies, candy, most crackers, soda, ya know most of the crap was still there. But there were limited supplies or no supplies of most things we wanted.

Was it only here in the north east or specifically Jersey and PA, or did other regions experience this too?








As of this past Saturday's run MOST things were back in stock, but there is still less of any given item.

What's it like elsewhere around the country?

[Huzo]

Well, OK, but when the sad but inevitable day comes when the thread

"RIP Dolly Parton - Thanks for the Music"

comes up, we'll be here for you.

Lannis

Thanks...
For the mammaries..

[Lannis]

Thanks...
For the mammaries..

Well, at least we know who "we" is now .... !

[Lannis]

So, I think I'm staying in the rules here and I have to ask a question.

I didn't originally read this thread because I wasn't particularly confused by the original shortage (at least no more so than a passing curiosity in the middle of bigger things). But reading this thread because it popped up again has made me wonder something.

Did a bunch of you guys not experience a ton of OTHER shortages in the last month?

.............

What's it like elsewhere around the country?

Central Virginia -

No paper products - lines of people lined up waiting for the truck, and clean it out in 15 minutes.   The Dollar General clerk lady commented that many of them joke about having 100 rolls at home but getting 4 more while they can.   Charlie's link (difference between commercial and home paper products distribution) explains some of it, but most of it still looks like hysteria.

In the food sections, looks like a bunch of rabid late-to-the-party preppers have been at it.   Rice, potatoes, frozen chicken, flour products, all short or gone.   STILL.

Other than that, not too far from normal.   Couldn't buy buttermilk, eggs, or Soft Scrub either ...

Lannis