Author Topic: Best Place to Retire  (Read 58772 times)

Cheese

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Best Place to Retire
« on: February 02, 2015, 08:59:45 AM »
 You can retire to Arizona where...
 
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
 
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
 
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
 
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
 
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
 
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

OR
 
You can retire to California where...
 
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
 
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
 
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
 
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
 
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
 
6. The 4 seasons are:  Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...
 
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ....
 
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
 
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
 
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
 
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car).
 
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR
 
You can retire to Minnesota where...
 
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup ..
 
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
 
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
 
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
 
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
 
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different, she is different or It was different!

OR
 
You can retire in North Carolina where...
 
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
 
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
 
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
 
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
 
5. Everywhere is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder".

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...
 
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
 
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
 
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
 
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
 
OR
 
You can retire to the Nebraska where...
 
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
 
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
 
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
 
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at.

OR

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...
 
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
 
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
 
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
 
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
 
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

Offline Gliderjohn

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2015, 09:18:14 AM »
Or you can retire to Kansas where:

You become a self-reliant Guzzi wrench because we no longer have a Guzzi dealer or for that matter a BMW dealer.

You will have good driving record if you stay alert because in most parts of the state you can see the patrol car three miles ahead and they are short of state troopers.

If you break down on your bike in a rural area almost everyone will help or try to help.

There are many roads you can ride where you might meet another vehicle every 15-30 minutes.

There are a number of good to great places to ride to for a piece of pie.

You can use the windy days riding crosswinds to put wear on the side of the tread instead of just the middle.

You get exited about interstate ramps so you can ride a curve.

If you pick the right day you can ride in snow, sleet, rain or 70 degree sunshine on the same day.

While riding through the Flint Hills you can pick your future leather jacket that is currently eating grass.

You can ride lengthwise through the state on I-70 and think that riding through Kansas sucks or instead you can take highways 36, 24 or 4 and go "WOW" never new there were these kind of roads and interesting place in Kansas.

Kansas is just east of the Rockies and just NW of the Ozarks. ;D
GliderJohn






 
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Offline fotoguzzi

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2015, 09:25:02 AM »
correction:  Casserole is called Hot Dish don'tchaknow.
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Offline Guzzistajohn

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #3 on: February 02, 2015, 09:26:50 AM »
Funny stuff "granola" cracked me up. They say a true Missourian can tell what month it is by the road kill. Feb is skunks
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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #3 on: February 02, 2015, 09:26:50 AM »

Offline segesta

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #4 on: February 02, 2015, 09:28:13 AM »
I know this thread started as a joke, but... if Mexico wasn't quite so dangerous right now, I'd consider retiring there--cheap, great weather, decent food, same time zone as my family in the USA. Though I don't speak a word of Spanish. Belize is another option, because they speak English.

PS I thought "hot dish" was a term only used by us Lutherans?
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Offline rocker59

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2015, 09:28:33 AM »
What?  No Arkansas joke?  Somebody is slacking.
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Offline inditx

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #6 on: February 02, 2015, 09:37:04 AM »
+1 on gliderjohn  ;-T
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Offline Gliderjohn

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2015, 09:38:09 AM »
Quote from rocker59:
Quote
What?  No Arkansas joke?  Somebody is slacking.

I could think of a few. ;D  But I don't want to get banned from a great riding state in case I have to go to someones family reunion, Oh! I mean wedding. :BEER:
GliderJohn
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Offline Guzzistajohn

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2015, 09:44:17 AM »
They did have to change the drivers ed classes in high schools to two days a week in Arkansas. They needed the car for sex education
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Offline Charles in Lake Charles

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2015, 10:00:02 AM »
Don't forget South Louisiana:

We pass a good time down here.

The food is great.

The winter weather is great.

The cost of living is great.

Property taxes are cheap.

WE PASS A GOOD TIME DOWN HERE!

Opps, I forgot the summer.
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kirby1923

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2015, 10:29:24 AM »
I know this thread started as a joke, but... if Mexico wasn't quite so dangerous right now, I'd consider retiring there--cheap, great weather, decent food, same time zone as my family in the USA. Though I don't speak a word of Spanish. Belize is another option, because they speak English.

PS I thought "hot dish" was a term only used by us Lutherans?






San Miguel de Allende Mexico



In central Mexico, many many Norte Americano's/a's, English is almost the first language, good access to Meds. Safe as the states.?!



Beautiful little town that is almost like living in SoCal/So Tx. at a small fraction of the cost.



IMO. :-)

BTW no place is completely safe.

EDIT:
 I posted this for someone that expressed a desire??? to retire in Mexico. Its not for everybody that's for sure. Moto riding in Mexico is better than good and is very moto friendly. Wx is great and people are friendly.

  
« Last Edit: February 02, 2015, 01:20:45 PM by kirby1923 »

Offline charlie b

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #11 on: February 02, 2015, 10:44:41 AM »
We are going to S. Carolina  :)  That's where daughter is  ;)
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Offline mgfan

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #12 on: February 02, 2015, 10:52:19 AM »
I just want to retire above the grass!   :BEER:
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Offline Guzzistajohn

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #13 on: February 02, 2015, 11:01:55 AM »



San Miguel de Allende Mexico



In central Mexico, many many Norte Americano's/a's, English is almost the first language, good access to Meds. Safe as the states.?!

Hey isn't that the place the dude from shawshank redemption ended up?

Beautiful little town that is almost like living in SoCal/So Tx. at a small fraction of the cost.



IMO. :-)

BTW no place is completely safe.

 
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dilligaf

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #14 on: February 02, 2015, 11:53:01 AM »



San Miguel de Allende Mexico



In central Mexico, many many Norte Americano's/a's, English is almost the first language, good access to Meds. Safe as the states.?!



Beautiful little town that is almost like living in SoCal/So Tx. at a small fraction of the cost.



IMO. :-)

BTW no place is completely safe.

 

 :+1  Been well over 20 years and the North Americanos were just starting to arrive.  May be to many now.

We are going to S. Carolina  :)  That's where daughter is  ;)

Mexico is safer.  Stay away. Got to many people as it is.   ;D  :BEER:
Matt

Offline rboe

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #15 on: February 02, 2015, 12:07:18 PM »
Poop. This is something we have to consider once my wife retires. AZ is too damn hot and frankly I happen to like 4 seasons. Some of the places I'd go to in a heart beat she'll nix because they don't have a good hospital near by (perhaps I've nicked myself one too many times woodworking, or crashed the bike more often than she likes).

The other nice places seem to suffer from too many folks with money having discovered them already (e.g. Bend OR). sigh....
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Offline Lannis

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #16 on: February 02, 2015, 12:12:16 PM »
Poop. This is something we have to consider once my wife retires. AZ is too damn hot and frankly I happen to like 4 seasons. Some of the places I'd go to in a heart beat she'll nix because they don't have a good hospital near by (perhaps I've nicked myself one too many times woodworking, or crashed the bike more often than she likes).

The other nice places seem to suffer from too many folks with money having discovered them already (e.g. Bend OR). sigh....

Hard to tell what a "good" hospital might be, so we've never used it as a criteria, never mind that neither one of us has been sick (that could change but we're not using it as a retirement criteria).

We've considered LOTS of different places, but settled on one within easy driving range of our grandchildren.   When two little girls are running to you with their arms out shouting "Grandpa!  Grandpa!", you don't care what the weather is.

Lannis
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Offline Spuddy

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #17 on: February 02, 2015, 12:18:34 PM »
Quote
Don't forget South Louisiana:

Only place I know of where 90f and 90% humidity is a mild day... and you need a coat to go inside...

But ya gotta go there for the people, food and to understand zydeco...

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Offline rboe

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #18 on: February 02, 2015, 12:20:06 PM »
No kids, so I'm pretty sure there will be no grandchildren; but life can be full of surprises!

She is the worry wart in the family; but since I married a youngin', what was fun at first is starting to bight me in the backside now. sigh. My over all health is excellent, so I don't give a damn about the usual reasons one uses hospitals when one becomes a senior senior. However; as I stated above, live can be full of surprises and the body can find wonderful ways to mess with you. And your future plans.

But if I intend on keeping on sleeping with her I need to take her concerns under advisement. To a certain degree anyway.  ;D

That said, I'd like cross country ski an canoe again. Keeping the motorcycles would be nice too. Somewhere where I can meet with and give a hard time to other riders over coffee would be great!
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Offline Sasquatch Jim

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #19 on: February 02, 2015, 12:24:46 PM »
  Or you can retire here.





  BTW , Don't ride to Toadsuck Arkansas just for the pie.
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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #20 on: February 02, 2015, 12:35:30 PM »
I know this thread started as a joke, but... if Mexico wasn't quite so dangerous right now, I'd consider retiring there--cheap, great weather, decent food, same time zone as my family in the USA. Though I don't speak a word of Spanish. Belize is another option, because they speak English.

PS I thought "hot dish" was a term only used by us Lutherans?

Also if you seek dual citizenship... Mexican retires pay no taxes. Have to live there half time for at least a few years to get there tho


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Offline Mayor_of_BBQ

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #21 on: February 02, 2015, 12:36:01 PM »
Don't retire in Nc.. We are all full up


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Offline rocker59

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #22 on: February 02, 2015, 12:39:46 PM »
This is something we have to consider once my wife retires.   Some of the places I'd go to in a heart beat she'll nix because they don't have a good hospital near by (perhaps I've nicked myself one too many times woodworking, or crashed the bike more often than she likes).

I don't give a damn about the usual reasons one uses hospitals when one becomes a senior senior. However; as I stated above, live can be full of surprises and the body can find wonderful ways to mess with you. And your future plans.

But if I intend on keeping on sleeping with her I need to take her concerns under advisement. To a certain degree anyway.  ;D
 

So, how does she define "good hospital", and what is the max distance of "nearby"?

I know people who want to live 10-minutes drive from a regional hospital.  That's just nuts!  

The only time I've been in a hospital is to visit other people.  If there is a clinic or small hospital nearby that can stabilize, transporting to a larger more capable facility is actually very common.

I don't know what the answer is for me.  Good health, and never really think about it.  I don't think hospital choice is even in the top 20 on my list of considerations.  
« Last Edit: February 02, 2015, 12:40:38 PM by rocker59 »
Michael T.
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Offline bigbikerrick

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #23 on: February 02, 2015, 12:42:01 PM »
As  far as Arizona being too hot, most folks think of the Phoenix area, but there are areas of AZ , that due to the altitude have great weather. The south eastern corner of AZ is one of those areas.  Bisbee, Sierra Vista area, which is almost a mile high( Bisbee 5200 ft) claims to have the best year round weather of anywhere  in the world. Mild temps in the winter, and the summers are  gorgeous, with cool temps at night, and some monsoon showers in the afternoons.
As a matter of fact, there is a mural painted on the side of a building, in downtown "Old Bisbee" that states" Bisbee, best year round weather in the world'.
Next time I ride my Guzzi up there....Maybe this afternoon, I will take a picture of it, to show you guys!
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Offline drlapo

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #24 on: February 02, 2015, 01:03:00 PM »
I'll be watching this thread as I will retire on 3/31/15 and I have to get out of the Socialist Republic of Konnecticut

Offline Rotten Ralph

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #25 on: February 02, 2015, 01:22:47 PM »
OR

You can retire in New Jersey

Taxes are 50th from the bottom in the US

We're next to New York City

A family of four can go to the beach for only $80 a season

Everything is near the Parkway or Turnpike

There are plenty of hospitals and lawyers   :BEER: :BEER: :BEER:


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dilligaf

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #26 on: February 02, 2015, 01:30:24 PM »
 :+=copcar  Stay away from South Carolina.   ::(  Folks from afar showing how they do it up North have all ready screwed up the grits and it getting worst.   ::( Stay away.   ::(  :BEER:
Matt

Offline twhitaker

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #27 on: February 02, 2015, 01:33:55 PM »
Salt and butter? Who puts that on 'Cream of Wheat?'
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Offline GearheadGrrrl

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #28 on: February 02, 2015, 01:35:16 PM »
Southeast Iowa... Back when I drove for Hostess the drivers with high seniority out of the Davenport and St.Louis bakeries would pick the run between those two cities. SE Iowa is the state's banana belt, with moderate winter temps and if it does snow, it melts quick. Not as hot as St.Louis and points south in the summer, lots of great scenery along the river, and property in both the river towns and country is quite reasonably priced. And if you want to get back to the big city, just get to the Amtrak station and Chicago is just a few hours away!
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Offline Lannis

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Re: Best Place to Retire
« Reply #29 on: February 02, 2015, 01:35:46 PM »
Salt and butter? Who puts that on 'Cream of Wheat?'

Salt and butter is for grits.   Cream of Wheat is for when you are sick and under the age of 10 and your mother forces it on you .....

Lannis
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