For Winter Riders Only

[Crusty]

This was written by my friend Bill who died last May. He wrote it back in the early '80s and it was published in Road Rider magazine. I've always liked it, and I just came across one of the original manuscripts while looking for a recipe.
 
                                 *********************************************

For Winter Riders Only
                                               by William Girolamo
 
You know it’s cold out when it takes you longer to dress for the ride than it does to take the ride.
 
You know it’s cold out when you’d rather spend Sunday afternoon watching an old Jerry Lewis movie than riding your bike.
 
You know it’s cold out when it’s Saturday afternoon, you have nothing to do, your bike is out in the garage filthy, and you have no intention of going out to clean it.
 
You know it’s cold out when you have to heat a bucket of water up on the stove before going out to wash your bike.
 
You know it’s cold out when you have to come inside every five minutes to thaw out your hands while you are washing your bike.
 
You know it’s cold out when you want to lube your chain, but the lube won’t come out of the can.
 
You know it’s cold out when you can’t throw your leg over the saddle because you have too many layers of clothing on.
 
You know it’s cold out when your electric starter sounds like a Waring blender trying to mix a cup full of cement.
 
You know it’s cold out when you can fully appreciate the fact that you were able to start your machine before the battery went dead.
 
You know it’s cold out when you pull in the clutch, shift into first, and the bike jumps forward three feet.
 
You know it’s cold out when your boots are so thick that you can’t fit your foot under the shift lever to upshift.
 
You know it’s really cold out when the feeling in your hands and feet is just a fond memory.
 
You know it’s really cold out when your hands develop an intimate relationship with the hotter parts of your engine at every stop light.
 
You know it’s really cold out when 40 MPH brings on Excedrin headache number 13.
 
You know it’s extremely cold out when you’re coming to a stop light and you have to concentrate really hard on getting your feet off the pegs and onto the ground.
 
You know it’s extremely cold out when the light turns green, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
 
You know it’s extremely cold out when you envy the guy sitting in the car next to you.
 
You know it’s extremely cold out when for a fleeting instant you feel that four wheels are in fact better than two.
 
You know it’s incredibly cold out when you’ve been riding for a good two hours, glance at your watch and realize that it’s only been twenty minutes.
 
You know it’s incredibly cold out when every biker on the road waves to every other biker, regardless of brand or displacement.
 
You know it’s incredibly cold out when you want to wave to the other biker but you can’t separate your hand from the grip.
 
You know it’s incredibly cold out when a ride consists of short runs between coffee shops.
 
You know it’s incredibly cold out when you’re trying not to breathe because your breath keeps fogging up your face shield.
 
You know it’s unbelievably cold out when you decide that a windshield and fairing are the greatest accessories ever designed for a motorcycle.
 
You know it’s unbelievably cold out when your ride is over and you’ve got to get someone to come out and help you pry your fingers loose from the handle bars.
 
You know it’s unbearably cold out when you want to shoot anyone who so much as mentions the word winter with anything other than a tone of disgust in his voice.
 
You know it’s ridiculously cold out when that miserable, uncomfortable, torturous, ass-freezing ride was the high point of your week and you can’t wait for a chance to get out there again and freeze your buns off.
 
                                       ***************************
 

[56Pan]

I can think of no activity, ever, that would make me rather watch a Jerry Lewis movie.

[oldbike54]

I can think of no activity, ever, that would make me rather watch a Jerry Lewis movie.

Not even being forced to watch a Steven Seagal movie ? :D

  Dusty

[segesta]

>>You know it’s cold out when it takes you longer to dress for the ride than it does to take the ride.

Let's see, the other day I put on long underwear, first pair of socks, second pair of socks, t-shirt, Powerlet jacket liner, fleece pullover, flannel-lined jeans, boots, scarf, leather jacket, balaclava, helmet, then sit on the bike and plug in the jacket liner, then pull on the Powerlet glove liners, plug in the glove liners, and finally put on gloves.

By then I was sweating and looking forward to the icy air. And the balaclava directed my breath upward somehow, so my glasses were continually fogged. But I loved every minute of that ride, as always.

[Nic in Western NYS]

Perfect timing.  Planning on a Saturday ride before the next snow hits on Sunday.  Thanks!

[charlie b]

I do love those!!  Perfect for my morning commute.  Although this morning I had to drive the cage.

That stupid white sh$$ is all over the ground and ice under it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :(  :(  :(

You did forget one.....

"You know it is incredibly cold out when you have to wash the salt off the bike before it turns to rust"

[ken farr]

What is this  winter  that you speak of ??


kjf

[Sasquatch Jim]

  I know it is cold out when I turn off the fan and think about closing the windows.

  I know it's really cold out when I actually close the windows.
 
  I know it's extremely cold out when I put on long pants and a long sleeve T-shirt just to ride.

  It has been a couple of years since it was extremely cold out.

[Guzzistajohn]

Yea Jim, we know, you live in Hawaii now yadda yadda yadda

[56Pan]

Not even being forced to watch a Steven Seagal movie ? :D

  Dusty

Toss up.

[Sasquatch Jim]

Yea Jim, we know, you live in Hawaii now yadda yadda yadda

 I don
t have heating costs, I don't have an air conditioner , don't need one, Don't pay state income tax, Yes there are reasons why I chose to live here.

 

[jas67]

Yea Jim, we know, you live in Hawaii now yadda yadda yadda

 :+1 :+1 :+1 :+1

[tris]

>>You know it’s cold out when it takes you longer to dress for the ride than it does to take the ride.

Let's see, the other day I put on long underwear, first pair of socks, second pair of socks, t-shirt, Powerlet jacket liner, fleece pullover, flannel-lined jeans, boots, scarf, leather jacket, balaclava, helmet, then sit on the bike and plug in the jacket liner, then pull on the Powerlet glove liners, plug in the glove liners, and finally put on gloves.

By then I was sweating and looking forward to the icy air. And the balaclava directed my breath upward somehow, so my glasses were continually fogged. But I loved every minute of that ride, as always.

Anyone else tried to hold their breath while they push the bike out of the garage so you don't fog up your glasses. Can make you go quite light headed/purple  ;-T

[Crusty]

This is bill and I one Sunday in 1982. Bill's on the red Sportster. This was right around the time he wrote the article.

[lucian]

Sounds like Bill was an entertaining guy. I'm sorry for your loss. Great picture!

[AMGeneral]

Just last week, the evening of our last snow fall, I left Wichita just as the freezing rain and snow really started to fall hard. In just a few minutes there was a good half inch of this shtuff on everything I had to step on and climb on to get my truck hooked up under a loaded container headed for KC.

I was glad to start heading out of Wichita but it was right at 5pm so getting out of downtown was fun to say the least. Made it to the east kellogg turnpike exit and thought I had it made. Well this shtuff kept falling and I was in it until Eldorado. As I went further north, the shtuff falling got lighter and eventually quit. After I had passed the Matfield Green service area, I was finally starting to get going again, and I noticed a single headlight headed south. I thought no way.

Yep, a motorcycle, silver, looked like a Norge but could have been a BMW or other similar motorcycle. But yep, he was headed south, and I thought boy was I glad to NOT be him and headed into what I knew he was heading into.

One of those riders who fit the leading post.

See ya,
Rod

[Nic in Western NYS]

Just last week, the evening of our last snow fall, I left Wichita just as the freezing rain and snow really started to fall hard. In just a few minutes there was a good half inch of this shtuff on everything I had to step on and climb on to get my truck hooked up under a loaded container headed for KC.

I was glad to start heading out of Wichita but it was right at 5pm so getting out of downtown was fun to say the least. Made it to the east kellogg turnpike exit and thought I had it made. Well this shtuff kept falling and I was in it until Eldorado. As I went further north, the shtuff falling got lighter and eventually quit. After I had passed the Matfield Green service area, I was finally starting to get going again, and I noticed a single headlight headed south. I thought no way.

Yep, a motorcycle, silver, looked like a Norge but could have been a BMW or other similar motorcycle. But yep, he was headed south, and I thought boy was I glad to NOT be him and headed into what I knew he was heading into.

One of those riders who fit the leading post.

See ya,
Rod

Hopefully he was one of the wackadoo riders that was seeking the white stuff out.

[lucydad]

Good list there, not much to worry about in Houston, most of the time.  Sometimes I do ride when temps drop into upper 30sF, and windy, but dry.  The Aerostich leathers do a magnificent job, but my hands always get cold. 

In high school I used to race Ski-Doo Blizzards:  wind chills down to minus 50F were common as speeds were sometimes in excess of 70 mph, and air temps well below zero.  The free air, triple, two-stroke engine in front, and the triple expansion chambers did throw a lot of heat though.  We layered up big time, and hands were fairly well protected.  Had to be very careful with eyes and nose and such, we wore silk balaclavas under our full face helmets (very recent Bell Star technology at the time).  I have a few frost bite skin areas though on my chins and one on upper forearm from the snowmobile stuff.   The worst was ending an oval race all sweaty, then shut down, and afterwards:  had to be very careful either to change out, or find a warm trailer with heat.

[Crusty]

You know it's cold out when you go on the Wild Guzzi Forum and you find threads about gold colored mushrooms and work boots.

[guzzisteve]

Got this from sidecar forum, enjoy   Used to do this myself but no snow here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-5G2nuUThs