Wildguzzi.com
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: Yukonica on August 22, 2019, 09:39:13 PM
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Forgive me; I work in libraries. Tonight while prep'ing dinner I thought of a title that might grab attention in marketing cents.
Writing about the subject is irrelevant because I am far too lazy to actually research the topic.
I liked the title; Killer fruit or beloved vegetable: a history of the tomato.
A zillion people have warned me off nightshade vegetables because of a chronic disease.
A whole nation has an amazing cuisine based on them.
Most people know academically that tomatoes are considered a fruit but I can't recall a fruit salad that contained one.
Anyone else out there with never to be written books in the wings (ornithologists aside)?
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Left Lane Bandits and the People Who Love Them
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George the Barred Owl and me .
The story of how we got banned from every bar in Oklahoma
Dusty
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"I Shot Elvis".
A book I've already started all about the local TV news business and my exploits in it.. mostly just remembrances fo my kids tho.. I flew close to mach 2 crossing the Atlantic in the Concorde and got in the flight deck to film, I got to pilot the Goodyear Blimp once, a helicopter crash/emergency landing on a freeway.. stuff like that.
Oh, I did shoot Elvis on film in 1977 shortly before he died.
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Fifty yards to the outhouse by I.P. Freely?? (old one I know)
Illustrations by, Willy Makeit and Betty Dont
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The One Millionth Moto Guzzi.
GliderJohn
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Under the Bleachers by Seymour Hiney.
Hold My Beer and Other Famous Last Words.
Economical and Simple Motorcycle Mechanics by Carlo Guzzi.
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Under the Bleachers by Seymour Hiney.
Hold My Beer and Other Famous Last Words.
Economical and Simple Motorcycle Mechanics by Carlo Guzzi.
"The Guide to Safe Flying" by Mae Daye
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The life long biker who knows it’s time...
“How to walk away from your final bike..(knowing that it is)”.
Or..
The unwritten publication of the dyslexic, poorly staffed restaurateur who’s lost his mobile...
“Sack my cook and hold my calls”..
Or..
The hapless motorcycle manufacturer that won’t stop breathing, after 99 years...
“How to stay in business and influence people, (without really trying)”...By Moto Guzzi Inc..
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"The Guide to Safe Flying" by Mae Daye
Does that include not flying through flak ?
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Does that include not flying through flak ?
"Bombardier to pilot - Bombs Away!"
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"Bombardier to pilot - Bombs Away!"
I thought it ironic when reading the book title with the sub text..
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Fifty yards to the outhouse by I.P. Freely?? (old one I know)
Illustrations by, Willy Makeit and Betty Dont
”The guy with the healthy kidneys..” By I P Daley (sic.)
“
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Left Lane Bandits and the People Who Love Them, KILL THEM!
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That’s a bit non-Zen, Son of Grasshopper..
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I’m reminded of that un written work of the great philosopher and philanderer George Best.
“I spent 90% of my fortune on slow motorbikes and fast Women..
And completely squandered the rest..!”
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"When I want your opinion I'll give it to you"
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How to fart gracefully in royal company.
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From my school days.
"Maximum grade point, Minimum effort"
It has one page, that reads, "you gotta be smart!"
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"Ion Propulsion: a Step By Step Guide for the Compleat Idiot"
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"All Girls Fart"
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Great Irish Cooking. A remarkable 5 page cookbook.
How To Hire a Good Lawyer by Dewey, Cheatham and Howe
How To Live With A Very Large Penis
The Day My Cat Fell Into The Bathtub by Claude Balls
How To Gain Instant Success By Lowering Your Standards
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“I’m not paranoid, it’s just that everybody’s out to get me..”
Or.
“It’s been a pleasure to be on your show..Thanks for having me”
That’s ok
“You certainly have been..”
Or.
“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure..”
Or.
“But I wanted to sing so badly..”
“But my Dear, you DO sing badly..”
Last one.
“Ya’ know, I always thought marriage was a great institution..
I just didn’t think I was ready for an institution..”
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"All Girls Fart"
No they don't. They fluff.
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Actually, working on my own story as a kid who grew up on a diary farm in Western NY, and the shenanigans of a lightly-supervised teenagers life. The title?
Eyebrows not Required
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Cycles to Hertz Conversion Tables.
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"Teats on a Boar... The Wisdom of my Grandfather"
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For the golfers here...several titles in the future series to be published, won't be as exciting as the Jack Reacher novels, but might be as entertaining!
From Birdie to Bogey in 3 easy steps
How to Properly line up your 4th putt
Relaxation techniques for when you're hitting 5 off the tee
Knowing the proper moment to re-grip your ball retriever
There are a few more titles in the works...but you get the idea!
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Don Quixguzzi
A hopelessly romantic old Guzzista watches too many You Tube videos on top ten bars in Phuket which makes his brain curdle into thinking that there must be an in·con·tro·vert·i·ble truth left somewhere in this world.
With theatrical fervor over many beers in the bike garage late at night, he paints a picture of his quest that inspires neighbor Nacho Honda.
Don Quixguzzi loads up his old Eldorado named Rockin' Annie and sets forth with Nacho on a 72 CB350 for Roswell 2000 miles distant on tertiary roads where the girlfriend of his youth is living out in the dessert.
Many mishaps and adventures await...
(https://i.ibb.co/3szNhdd/Don-Quixguzzi.jpg) (https://ibb.co/3szNhdd)
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England's pubs, a free beer guide.
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Don Quixguzzi
A hopelessly romantic old Guzzista watches too many You Tube videos on top ten bars in Phuket which makes his brain curdle into thinking that there must be an in·con·tro·vert·i·ble truth left somewhere in this world.
With theatrical fervor over many beers in the bike garage late at night, he paints a picture of his quest that inspires neighbor Nacho Honda.
Don Quixguzzi loads up his old Eldorado named Rockin' Annie and sets forth with Nacho on a 72 CB350 for Roswell 2000 miles distant on tertiary roads where the girlfriend of his youth is living out in the dessert.
Many mishaps and adventures await...
(https://i.ibb.co/3szNhdd/Don-Quixguzzi.jpg) (https://ibb.co/3szNhdd)
:thumb: :boozing:
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(https://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag77/Penderic/Penderic008/serve%20man_zpsogrsoasm.gif)
:tongue:
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Who could ignore ....
(https://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag77/Penderic/Penderic008/who-cut-the-cheese_zpsv6cpa3t5.jpg)
(https://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag77/Penderic/Penderic008/fart_zpsogyd8icz.gif)
Excuse me!
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Been adding thoughts to this "project" for years now;
Humans: The Failed Experiment
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(https://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag77/Penderic/Penderic007/possum_cookbook_zpse2cl8tjf.jpg)
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No they don't. They fluff.
I thought the correct term was bottom cough...
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The way I heard it -
Under the Grandstands by Seymour Butts
Fifty Yards to the Outhouse by Willy Maykit, illustrated by Betty Dont
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DON QUIXGUZZI
The Man From Mandello
Chapter I
The Dream
(https://i.ibb.co/8rxFMW0/felix.jpg) (https://ibb.co/8rxFMW0)
Waking from his doze with a start and looking up with bloodshot eyes, the Felix-the-Cat clock tells Don Quixguzzi the same old 2 AM story as its plastic pendulum tail sweeps to and fro. The fluorescent light hanging in the unfinished garage flares the dust on the screen with the You Tube video showing on the 'puter about some 80 year old guy surfing in the antipodes with his 60 year old wife and the beautiful extended family off the yacht.
A disapproving "Humph!" is uttered.
The greasy La-Z-Boy affords little movement, but he scrunches sideways and clicks the mouse around to navigate back to his current lines of interest. Back around to pull up a video with that one Kiwi ex-pat in Thailand who knows all the ins-and-outs and backstreets best avoided in a very interesting place. After a few moments Don Quixguzzi dozes off again, and has a dream influenced by the story in the video.
The Kiwi narrator in the video chatters on: "and here is a tiny tucked away temple amid the decadent and seemingly chaotic activity on the mean and dirty backstreets of this really extraordinarily virulent city. Lets have a look-see inside, why don't we, eh?"
Don Quixguzzi's mind wraps around this and he parts the bead curtain into the smoky temple with the Kiwi, like he was somehow projecting himself there in the temple, in the video, in Thailand. In a dim alcove there is a some kind of a golden statue, he steps closer. Now finding himself face-to-face and gazing into the ruby eyes of a Graven Statue; the lips begin to jerk awry as the idol speaks directly to Don Quixguzzi in a raspy tortured voice:
" Like, listen, man. Near Roswell you will find the Really, Real, True Truth, ya dig? Now GO!!"
Awaking with a start, he looks up at the Felix-the -Cat clock, he stares at the hands without understanding the time, but watching the tail swing to and fro...then the dream memory floods back into his mind.
Don Quixguzzi, the Man from Mandello ponders it seriously without resolution for a few moments, then dismisses it from his mind and goes inside, and letting the screen door slam behind him, goes to bed.
The next morning is uneventful: coffee, pop-tarts, take the meds...more coffee...look for eye-glasses...adjust the valves on the 73 Eldorado...watch the weather report... hear the mailman come by...put yesterday's shirt on...walk out to mailbox.
"Hey! I got a postcard!" he says out loud to himself, smiling.
Its a picture of a flying saucer landing in the desert.
"Welcome to Roswell, NM"
Flipping it over it reads:
"Dear Don,
I know its been over 50 years, but I'm single at last. I still love you! Come find me in Roswell!"
signed, "Dolly Elsinore"
Don Quixguzzi flushes with a sudden excitement on hearing from his long lost sweetheart.
"Dolly!" he shouts to the four walls "Dolly!"
"In Roswell!" he shouts again.
"Roswell?" he mutters to himself...the dream memory comes flooding back again
He begins to have a full on duplex conversation within his poor conflicted brain:
"The Truth? Now Dolly? Coincidence of the dream and Roswell? No, it can't be?"
Yes, No. Yes! it must be! It must be the TRUTH!"
" I have to tell someone!"
Don Quixguzzi, hops astraddle the Eldorado like Tom Mix, sticks the postcard down between the seat and tank, and no sooner hits the starter button than he is out the driveway doing like 60 to his only buddy's house.
Chapter 2
Nacho Honda. (Don Quixguzzi's only friend)
(https://i.ibb.co/THTMr6X/Sancho-Panza.jpg) (https://ibb.co/THTMr6X)
(Now its someone else's turn to write chapter two and so on...until we get to Roswell from wherever you want to start however you want to get there, just don't forget to take Nacho Honda along)