Sounds like Shorty is volunteering 
Keith, a talent show would work, Paul R keeps promising to perform a comedy set, except some of his material might be a bit, well, you know 
Dusty
Ok Ok...I'll strap my 6 foot Giraffe Schwinn Unicycle to the bike, bring up the illuminated juggling clubs and balls and tell a few ribald jokes.
I'll probably get run out of town by the locals...but it might make the paper or the folks at the diner will be just shaking their head at the event called "Chaos at Hewins"...
:)
