The stupidest thing anyone ever said to you regarding motorcycles

[Kiwi_Roy]

In my strata lot I have 4 motorcycles
I was asked how I get the two at the back out.

[Triple Jim]

So you've been able to keep parking them there for now?

[canuck750]

I showed my 1975 Moto Guzzi 750S3 at the International Motorcycle Show that was passing through town on the weekend. Standing by the display of vintage motorcycles I overheard a couple of guys commenting on the bikes. One of them was going on about Moto Guzzi, usual banter and then he said "this guy painted his bike just like the new ones Guzzi are selling" apparently referring to the orange striped S model of the V7 range.



I though of correcting him that actually Guzzi are adopting the 'original 1975' paint scheme to their new bike but thought better of it.

[oldbike54]

 Last Tuesday gassing up the Jackal , guy drives up in a 90's Dodge minivan , asks if I want to trade . He doesn't want to accept no for an answer, and then , 'Heck  that is a V Max ?" After trying to explain that no , it's not a V Max , he says " well it says it's a V Max"  I just shrugged , and rode away before he could return after leaving the scene 

 Dusty

[twowings]

"I'm sorry, but we can't offer you a loan on the motorcycle...."

[oldbike54]

 "I owned an EIGHT 50 Breva with paper head gaskets" , a letter in the latest MC'list mag . 

 Dusty

[Ronkom]

I'm selling a nice Suzi DR650. Dude show up at the house w/money in hand, all excited. I start the bike, blast up the driveway to demo. Come back & shut it down. He says "Can you start it again so I can see how to do it?" After I comply he says, "And that changes the gears?" (pointing at the clutch lever). Bad vibe runs up my spine. I question "Have you taken the Motorcycle Safety Course?" "No". "Do you have a motorcycle drivers license?" "No" "Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?" "No".........Flabbergas ted I say "Well just how are you going to get the bike home" (to Roanoke Va. about 60 miles) "I figured I'd just learn by riding it"....there was more, but Long Story Short. I told him the only way he was taking the bike off my property was on a trailer. STRONGLY advised him tp take the course etc. etc. He came back a couple days later...w/a trailer....and then I had to loan him tie downs!
  Heard from him about a year later, he was selling the bike & wanted to know if I had a "copy of the title" (he'd lost it). So, he'd survived, I'd say there might be something to the old adage about god looking after fools & drunks.
ronkom

[rocker59]

"I'm sorry, but we can't offer you a loan on the motorcycle...."

I had a bank tell me that one time.  I transferred all my money to a new bank PDQ.

[Chuck in Indiana]

Just yesterday, from a Harley guy.. seemed like a decent sort. "Boy, I like those Guzzis. Did you know they started as a helicopter engine?"

[oldbike54]

Just yesterday, from a Harley guy.. seemed like a decent sort. "Boy, I like those Guzzis. Did you know they started as a helicopter engine?"

 MV Agusta , Moto Guzzi , maybe he is a bit confused  Had a guy argue with me that Triumphs were built in Italy , and another guy swear up and down that MZ Agusta was a division of MV Agusta  Damn tricky European motorcycle companies confusing us with all of these names that are so similar 

[kirby1923]

Many years ago I sold a 650cc thunderbird to an Indian (native) for $300 in west tx. He showed up in an old pickup and as we were loading it (it ran fine), he ask me if I would check him out 'cause he had never ridden a motorcycle!

Spent the rest of the afternoon giving lessons.

Then loaded and left, always wondered what happened to that lad?

But that is not as bad as the guy I sold a Stearman to that had never flown an aircraft...I just couldn't do it.
He was very confident that he could indeed fly it.

I finally said "if you can start it', its yours"

Didn't happen.

[Chuck in Indiana]

I finally said "if you can start it', its yours"

  "Yeah, I can fly these things.. just show me how to get er started.."

[Red Dog]

I'm selling a nice Suzi DR650. Dude show up at the house w/money in hand, all excited. I start the bike, blast up the driveway to demo. Come back & shut it down. He says "Can you start it again so I can see how to do it?" After I comply he says, "And that changes the gears?" (pointing at the clutch lever). Bad vibe runs up my spine. I question "Have you taken the Motorcycle Safety Course?" "No". "Do you have a motorcycle drivers license?" "No" "Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?" "No".........Flabbergas ted I say "Well just how are you going to get the bike home" (to Roanoke Va. about 60 miles) "I figured I'd just learn by riding it"....there was more, but Long Story Short. I told him the only way he was taking the bike off my property was on a trailer. STRONGLY advised him tp take the course etc. etc. He came back a couple days later...w/a trailer....and then I had to loan him tie downs!
  Heard from him about a year later, he was selling the bike & wanted to know if I had a "copy of the title" (he'd lost it). So, he'd survived, I'd say there might be something to the old adage about god looking after fools & drunks.
ronkom

Same thing.  I was selling a 2015 Victory Gunner & the Kid drove 4.5 hours to buy the bike.  First thing I had told him CASH ONLY so he brings a check drawn on some Govt bank because he is military.  I call the bank & verify that all is good.  Then the kid starts asking me about the owners manual which is sitting on the hood of my wife's car.  I ask him does he want to hear it run & he starts asking me questions about shifting.  I ain't the brightest guy but I finally figure out he's never ridden a bike.  Go Home Kid.

[Red Dog]

Why do you need more than one motorcycle?

Good question.  My wife used to ask me that all the time.

[Rox]

MV Agusta , Moto Guzzi , maybe he is a bit confused  Had a guy argue with me that Triumphs were built in Italy , and another guy swear up and down that MZ Agusta was a division of MV Agusta  Damn tricky European motorcycle companies confusing us with all of these names that are so similar 

Bill Murray once said: " It's difficult to win an argument with a smart person but it is damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person". 

  I used to correct people but have just given up. I too sat at a bike show and heard a guy say looking at a guy's 1000 Sport and say the guy copied  the pain from a V7. I tried to correct him but he insisted I was full of sh!t. I wanted to throw my helmet at him . You can't fix stupid .

[johnr]

I finally said "if you can start it', its yours"

Didn't happen.

When I had my BSA Rocket 3 I was often asked by people if they could take it for a ride. (They were always rare and special, and heavy for their day) I would say something similar. I would tell them that if they could pick it up they could take it for a ride, and then carefully lay it on it's side. No one got that ride   But of course I never made that offer to anyone I thought had even a remote chance of succeeding.

[Sasquatch Jim]

         Back in the day, how often have you heard that?, When I had a Matchless 500 single, A lot of guys asked to ride it.  I told them if they could start it okay.
  I didn't want to have to go retrieve it if the engine died on them and they couldn't restart it.
 No one ever got to ride it.  You had to be intimately involved to start it.  You had to retard the spark, With the kill button held down and the compression release held down, you stroke it through twice to clear the cylinder.
 If the engine was cold you held down on the carb tickler until a bit of gas weeped out under the tickler button.
 Set it at what ever choke you knew to be correct for the ambient temp.  Set the piston at TDC at the top of the exhaust stroke.  bounce your body up and snap hard down on the kick lever after releasing the kill button and compression release.  If the gods of big singles favored you it would chuff then begin to tick over weakly until you opened the throttle a bt andadvnced the spark half way.  Then it would tick over smoothly to the amazement of onlookers, some of whom may have suffered exhaustion or leg injury trying to start it.  Open the choke all the way.  After a bit of warm up, twist open the throttle while advancing the spark as the engine gained RPM, and torque away from the group smoothly as the exhaust bop bop bopped behind you.
 And Oh the way that bike could corner!

[johnr]

Designed for tight curly English country lanes Jim.

[rodekyll]

I just saw my retired doctor at the grocery store.  "Why aren't you riding your bike?" she asked.
     "No Headlights"  Says I.
"Why is that a problem?" Quoth she.
     "Can't run a bike without headlights."
"You need head lice to ride a motorcycle?   Ewww!"




(insert sticking icepick into eye smarm here)

[oldbike54]

 OH HELL 

 Dusty

[Dukedesmo]

When I got my first bike, my Grandma told me to be careful and so as to not ride too quickly to 'stay in first gear'...

[rodekyll]

Another "current" topic reminds me of a phone call I got from a kid I know with a vintage UJM.  He was converting his turn lights to LED and had the spastic flasher problem.  I explained the need for the three-lug flasher unit and how the lugs were marked.  He called back a few days later saying "I got the flasher unit, but I can only make out the markings on two of the three lugs.  What do I do now?"   

I wanted to tell him to return the flasher and sell the bike before it runs out of gas and leaves him stranded.

[BertoGuzzi17]

I went out today to grab a coffee this morning and just got lucky and found a parking spot right in front of the coffee shop so I pulled up to a parking spot and backed the bike up into the spot. Grabbed my coffee and sat outside the shop. Then I had someone that obviously saw me pull me give me a nice compliment about the Moto Guzzi. He said he never heard of them before but then asked me about shifting gears and after I explained how to get to 1st then Neutral and go up.

He was "Wow - no kidding, but how do you put your bike into reverse. - Where is the reverse gear ?"

It took me a second to answer and almost choked on my coffee - but I gently explained to him there was no reverse gear. He was blown away!

[Sasquatch Jim]

All exept two of my bikes have had gravity reverse.  I swing around stopping them bow pointed uphil.
Reverse is easy that way.  Both my Russian bikes had a reverse gear in the tranny.

[giusto]

STUPID OUGHTA HURT


well come to think of it...sometimes it does...ie: Darwin award winners

[oldbike54]

 What a great thread , who started ... oh , never mind 

 Dusty

[charlie b]

I am one of those who always puts the bike in neutral.  Sorry, but, I feel the chances of being rear ended are small enough that I don't worry about it.

Yes, you can now post about all the people you know or heard about being killed from a rear impact.

[Guzzistajohn]

I was getting gas the other day on the CX and 3 HD dudes were gazing at their cell phones trying to figure out where they were, I noticed they had Illinois tags and asked if I could help. They wanted to get off the 4 lane and on to MO 125 south to the Ark. line for a ferry ride across Bull Shoals lake.

One of the guys actually turned, looked at the CX and said "What in the hell is that????"


I took them to 125 and pointed them in the right direction


(my good deed for the day)

[n3303j]

This one came from my own Dear Wife:

"You really don't need four motorcycles!"

Still don't understand where she got that idea.
New neighbor has eleven (0 on his wife count).

[johnr]

"I had no choice but to lay the bike down - that's the fastest way to stop a bike, ya know."

I know it's a re-run but I still can't believe anyone is dumb enough to believe this.

Which bit are we not to believe bob?